Please stay home

I have discovered with every new trip I take that I find the whole plane trip more and more odious. Whilst it’s easy to blame the airlines I would say the bigger problem is the amount of riff-raff flying these days. People who neither possess the requisite manners, hygiene nor the common awareness of other people to be allowed amongst human beings. Many’s the time I have buckled myself into my seat and glanced nervously at the empty seat next to me and the weirdos walking down the aisle, thinking “please not him/her”. Here then, is my list of people who should never be allowed to fly:

  • Anyone under 16 years of age
  • Anyone who boards before their row is called
  • Anyone who brings on more than one small bag, taking up all the space in the overhead compartment
  • Anyone who can’t work out the toilet door mechanism
  • Anyone who thinks it’s okay to stick their feet up on the seat in front of them or the bulkhead
  • Anyone who reclines their seat more than 5° outside of midnight -7am
  • Anyone who refuses to get up out of their seat to let another passenger pass
  • Anyone who has to go to the toilet before the plane even takes off
  • Anyone who has to retrieve something from their bag more than once on the entire flight
  • Anyone who refuses to use deodorant
  • Anyone who is morbidly obese
  • Anyone who gets drunk on board or are already drunk
  • Anyone who grabs the back of your seat as they haul their large arse off their own seat
  • Anyone who incessantly walks up and down the aisle and bumps into your shoulder
  • Loud people
  • Anyone who stands in front of you at the luggage carousel regardless of how close you are to it

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